I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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