Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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