He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
