Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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