I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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