Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
