i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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