im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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