why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
