Say something about gay babies.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
