You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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