I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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