She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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