I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
even my farts smell like vagina
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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