I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
