I will die if light touches me.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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