I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you had me at cake vodka
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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