She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
