I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
