How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
