They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
