Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
