you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
