Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
