Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
