She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
