Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
