Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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