my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
