it's too hot outside to masturbate.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
