on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
