Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
