Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
