How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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