One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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