my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
