Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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