we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We have so much sex to catch up on
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
