Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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