My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh god it's open bar.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
