I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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