I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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