I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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