its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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