'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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