Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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