I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
