So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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