good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
