wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
